when you love someone but it goes to waste
I was 16 and for the first time in my life in was love. It was the butterfly in my stomach who made me so nervous and I thought that I knew what love was all about. Now I am only 2 years older, but much more wiser. Sometimes when I think of my first real love I get sad. Maybe I was a fool but it was so much easier than it is now. My first real love was X. A blond guy with blue eyes and a smile I couldn't resist. He was older than me and he rocked my world, twice. You know X was one of those guys you never let go of. He is the guy you want to wake up with and always have around. I can not even today deny my love to him. But my love is no longer the same, it's more friendly love now. He will always be my first love and maybe my biggest? The song fix you was our song and I will never forget the night he told me why this was our song. He told me that I was his light who had guide him home. And I had fixed him. He told me that I was his girl that couldn't be replaced. The love I felt for him when he told me those words was more than all the feelings I had ever felt in my life.
When things got wrong between us I felt like my whole world was upside down. Loving some one that much and then see it go away was more than I could take. I didn't answer his text messages, didn't return his calls. I told my self that X was no longer a part of my life, he was no longer a part of me. But I couldn't deny the fact that he had a piece of my heart. I think you wonder why things got wrong between us and it hurts when I tell but I will be try. I become strange to Xand told him that my friends were more important for the moment. I didn't meet him for a week, then another week. When I missed him so much and called him he said that he had bad news and he was so sorry.X came to my house and told me that he had cheated on me. Not much but enough for me to feel that this was over. I just closed my door and locked it. He stood outside my house in one hour and screamed that I was the one for him and if this was over nothing else would matters to him. You can try to understand the pain in my heart, I just wanted to open the door and forgive and love. But I was a fool, didn't even ask for details. I erased him from my life, didn't spoke with him for months. My parents tried to talk to me but like I did with X, I ignored them.
Months later when I met him at the cinema with his friends he grabbed my arm and took me to a corner. He said that I had to listen to him quickly. I cried when he left and I felt horrible. The cheating part was not that big as I thought. At a party a girl had kissed him and he didn't respond the kiss. But he loved me so much that it felt like cheating. If I had just listen that day he told me, I can not even say it. X wouldn't talk to me.
In December 2007 when my parents were gone for the weekend he came to my house. He kissed me and suddenly everything felt so good. X spend the weekend in my house but somehow we both knew that this was a goodbye and not a beginning. This was our way to say goodbye to 12 good months together. We finally got a good goodbye and somehow we could move on. It is now a year later and none of us had a new relationship. Maybe we don't want to or no one of us had found someone that are so right for each other as we were.
Today we are friends but we both know that our friendship could be more. Sometimes when we look each other in our eyes we think about the time we were a couple, and how good it was. We tried our best but we didn't succeed. But things changed and the moment was there, but we lost it. Will we always do or will lights guide us home. When you love someone, but it goes to waste,
could it be worse?
